Friday, August 24, 2012

Sexual Conquests 65-81

(See The List for introduction and explanation) (Click to zoom)

So it's true what they say - all good things must come to an end, and thus, here we are. I would pour out some booze for conquests One through Eighty-One, but 1) I don't waste booze 2) I don't waste booze and c) I'm hungover and might puke if I smell liquor other than that seeping out of my pores ("You smell like alcohol." - direct quote from my colleague this morning, and it means only one thing: a successful evening. More on that later). I do realize it wasn't just 81 victims conquests - some numbers included multiple ladies. He's just that entertaining.

This last bunch ties in wonderfully with the entire list - they're great. The body-piercing bunch, apparently. Poor Sixty-Five, she probably never saw that slap coming (good thing she's not a pop star - they get those affections to the face). She should at least be grateful her nickname didn't become "purple cock print." Knowing this guy, that was a definite possibility.

More importantly, let's look to Sixty-Nine. "Grenade." Yes, this was written in '06 - Mike "The Situation" from Jersey Shore wasn't the first to coin this term. Casanova should collect royalties.

Seventy-Eight is another favorite of mine. She is lovingly compared to Paula Abdul (much better than 32's Ricky Lake), but now I'm curious - does the real Paula Abdul have a similar "thatch" of pubic hair. Seriously, HOW does he remember these details?

I hope you've enjoyed this list as much as I have. No matter what horrible things I've done in my life, I know I'm a better person than this guy. It helps me sleep at night (so does the vodka). So, I really just want to say, thank you, Casanova. I hope your dick hasn't fallen off, I hope you have managed to dodge procreation, and I hope you holler at me with an updated list. 

Additionally, I find it necessary to reiterate - I am not on this list, nor any updated version that might exist. Something that I'm proud of and sad about at the same time.  I mean, he did say he was "immortalizing" these chicks.  Too bad he spelled demoralizing wrong.

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