Wednesday, January 25, 2017

How to Correctly Respond to a Craigslist Personal Ad: UPDATE

Back in 2013, when I was making all of the exciting mistakes as a single, I responded to many a viral Craigslist personal ad that two brothers posted in search of wedding dates. I shared my response on this blog (found here), and Good Morning America happened upon it and subsequently interviewed me for a Saturday morning segment. Unfortunately, they lost the battle of booking the Stangle brothers to Matt Lauer at Today (can't say I blame them - it was Matt Lauer).

Following the buzz the Stangles created, ABC refused to be outdone and put together a meet-and-greet cocktail party for women interested in being chosen as their dates. At this point, I was Facebook friendly with Mike and Dave and they told me to come to the event to continue the humorous banter we had been engaging in. My friend and I attended the event at the Upper West Side's Empire Hotel - we threw on skinny jeans, reasonably fashionable blouses, and heels - we had no idea what we were in for.

The scene resembled a low-budget version of The Bachelor, though instead of Chris Harrison, we got Juju Chang (not to be confused with Julie Chen, you racist). The other girls in attendance seemingly came directly from blowout appointments and the Bloomingdales formalwear section (I'm pretty sure I saw a few "they'll never notice if I tuck in the tag - I can return it tomorrow" dresses). These girls were serious...about their potential TV fame, not so much about acting as a date to a random wedding. I was there for the free drinks, which, of course, turned out not to be free - need I reiterate the "low-budget" description of the scene.

With camera crews in tow, my girl, Ju, asked each set of girls (it was a requirement to come in twos) upstairs to film various clips. They filmed us "walking into the party," and performed on-camera interviews. My friend and I, having not received the semi-formal attire prerequisite, filmed our entrance sequences in various states of disarray including, but not limited to, piggyback rides, cartwheels, kick-lines, and amateur break dancing. Did I mention we showed up to the event intoxicated? After forcing us to stop they got the right entrance clip for us, they ushered us over to the corner where Juju was being powdered. I assumed we'd be getting our makeup done as well, so I walked up to the gathered group, closed my eyes and stuck out my predominant chin. Juju considered quitting the field of journalism altogether feigned laughter upon seeing me, and I shrugged off my mistake using my iPhone as mirror to apply my free-from-my-dentist bootleg Chapstick. I was ready for my closeup.

Juju asked my friend and me a series of questions, all of which escape me with the exception of one. She inquired, "What did you do to prepare to meet Mike and Dave and potentially become their wedding dates?" She was clearly mocking our lack of formalwear, but her sly affront didn't phase us for a moment. I told her that I baby-powdered my hair and popped in a mint (though I didn't specify where I popped the mint). My friend's response, however, took the cake. She nonchalantly told Juju, in front of a recording camera, on footage that ABC will forever have access to, "Well, I was at this guy's house last night and only heard about this today - I didn't have time to go home, so I just turned my underwear inside-out. Luckily, I had already waxed earlier this week." Yes, these are the friends I keep - amazing like-minded individuals.

Long story a bit longer, if a bell didn't go off when I mentioned the Stangle brothers' first names in the last paragraph - their viral Craigslist post scored them a movie deal. Yes, the film Mike and Dave Need Wedding Dates is based on the Craigslist boys. Let's just say, had either one resembled Zac Efron, I wouldn't be marrying Steven in a few short months.
ABC's meet-and-greet never aired - I assume God had answered my mother's (and Juju's) prayers on that one, and Steven and I started dating shortly after. Now I have a forever wedding date and I am encouraged to stay away from Craigslist personal ads.

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